Science in Action!

My puppy, Porter, and I take frequent long walks. Recently, we inadvertently performed some empirical tests that conclusively resolved a longstanding debate.

A couple evenings ago, in the midst of our walk, Porter managed to find (to his delight) a frozen squirrel. He was quite pleased with himself and proceeded to carry it for the rest of our walk. On this occasion, we walked roughly one half mile further before arriving home. At that point, I persuaded him to surrender his prize, as neither of us would have been welcome if he had attempted to carry it into the house. But up to that point, he had carried the dead squirrel continuously, for a distance slightly in excess of 2500feet.

By itself, this is an interesting empirical observation, but little more. However, just last night, as Porter and I walked, we passed a substantial sign for Dakota State University. As usual, he paused to check it out thoroughly. After some initial sniffing, he put his paws as high on the sign as he could, stretched his neck out, and snagged something from the top of it. Once more, he was delighted. Some student had helpfully left something edible there! I could tell that it was an entire slice of pizza. We started to continue our walk, with Porter carrying his prize (and presumably waiting for a convenient spot to gobble it up). But no more than twenty-five feet further down the sidewalk, Porter paused, and dropped the pizza slice, ready to continue without a backward glance.

This nearly defies belief. But it was so. As I looked at the forlorn pizza slice lying on the ground, I realized the cause. It had pineapple on it. Now we have the essential data. Porter carried a dead squirrel over 2500feet and had to be persuaded to relinquish it. In contrast, he carried a pineapple-topped pizza slice less than 25feet, without even nibbling the crust or the cheese!

I think we can all acknowledge that our canine friends have vastly superior olfactory powers and they are essential to all but the most basic taste sensations.  The data is  conclusive. The result is inescapable. Pineapple on pizza is at least 100 times worse than a dead squirrel.

I trust this will end debate on the topic.